Duan called me today, wanting to find out about some procedures common in the government office. During his call, he managed to insert some joke relating to my dreadful first ice skating experience. We have known each other for almost a decade now and the Duan I knew back in our University days, did not quite approved of my friendship with a few of his protégé anak usrahs. Nowadays though, Duan is a good friend who dutifully calls every now and then, asking how things are with me and letting me know how things are with him and his family. I haven’t seen him and his family for a long time now – back during the days I was driving a Kancil and Jan, Duan’s wife, was working at the Perodua service centre in PJ, I met them and their kids more often.
It’s not uncommon to find that some girls (like Norzu) don’t feel comfortable going out with married male friends and their family. I, however, have no qualms about having breakfast, lunch or dinner with my married male friends and their families. Chances are, if I could get along well with the hubbies, I stand a good chance of hitting it well with the wives too, just like I do with Jan and a few others.
My buddy Khairil first introduced me to his then-wife-to-be when she was still a student in Salford, so Linda and I began our friendship via Yahoo Messenger. When they got married in 2000, I was the only female friend to be honoured by Khairil’s invitation to be part of his family procession during the kenduri in Sungkai, Linda’s hometown. Now, I usually tried to drop by their apartment in Bandar Sri Putra if I happened to pass through that area of PLUS highway. And if Khairil, Linda and their two adorable kids happened to be in KL, I normally wouldn’t mind meeting them up somewhere for lunch or tea.
When I went to Japan in 2002, Khairil’s mom passed on a whole load of Malaysian food to Ena, Khairil’s sister who was studying in Tokyo via me. In fact, it was Khairil’s mom who taught and gave me some tips on making a good rendang one day in Ramadhan a long time ago. Not only I bond well with Khairil’s wife and kids, I also know his family members personally - his mom, dad, siblings. Just like I know my close girlfriends’ - Masni’s, Nita’s, Juz’s, Aidil’s, Yam’s - family members personally.
Just like I had misunderstandings with my girlfriends – I had my shares of rows with male friends too. Some misunderstandings/rows/disagreements/arguments could lead to months of not speaking to each other. In fact, if not for one terrible fight with Khairil, I might not have learnt how to make mee bandung. I remember travelling to Salford, making mee bandung for the first time at Nita’s place and sending a few bowls over to Khairil’s dorm as a sign of truce, knowing how he was missing mee bandung then. Sure enough, my first attempt was not that great – that mee bandung could have gone by other names like mee acheh or mee medan, as unique as it was *winks*. What mattered more was that Khairil and I were talking again.
Even when I get to know a good male friend after he was already married, I wouldn’t mind going out with him and his family. Sidan, a close friend since our post-grad diploma training days in 2001, introduced me to his wife Linda and their beloved daughter, over breakfast in Putrajaya. Turned out that as much as I have heard about Linda, she too have heard a lot about her husband’s close pal A.Z. prior to our meeting. Needless to say, we hit it off well – clicking right after the instant we first met.
(Now, come to think of it, my close buddies from three different eras - Pak Mus from school, Khairil from university and Sidan from post-grad diploma - all got married to women named Linda and I hit it off well with all three Lindas. What a coincidence, huh?)
I appreciate some guys’ friendships as much as I do my girlfriends. Sometimes, in order to continue my friendship with a guy, I have to win the wife’s trust and approval too. What better way to do so than meeting her and make friends with her? In fact, looking at my parents’ friendships with all the 'uncles' and 'aunties' I have known since I was a kid, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the key of a long lasting friendship lies in befriending both husband and wife…
7 comments:
My frens, i mean girls, feel a bit weird my gf talked and chatted with them. They thought, it was hard for a gf to accept her bf's friends as a friend. Or vice versa. :) Trust, that's it. :)
hmm... actually i'm quite sure there would be a thing or two a girlfriend could learn about her boyfriend through his female friends... So, it's u who should be worried about ain finding things u prefer her not knowing about once she starts to get closer to ur female buddies. :-D
Anyway, it's understandable for things to be a bit awkward at first. After all, ur female friends wouldn't be able to talk as freely/intimately as they normally do with u in the presence of ain, kan?
Heyy, make sense. But, i think, i've nothing to hide. :P Hurm! After a second thought, whatever her finding, she will discuss with me rationally; but i can't see if i have hidden something seriously that would affect our relationship. :)
But heyy, the logic makes me brooding over! How true, and, you know what, that's only for a gf who think over it (i mean, on befriending the bf's fren to find out about her bf) seriously :P
Assalamualaikum A.Z,
Enjoyed reading this post. It has been a while since i last spoke to mat duan and keril. Nway, hope to see you write more on our friends during our year in NCUK (or even in UK). Nak tau jugak perkembangan they all since saya ni tak rajin keep in touch. Keep 'em coming!
Yusof: Brood... jangan tak brood mr polt... ;-)
Anon: Don't worry - the possibility of me mentioning my NCUK friends every now and then is there and the probability is quite high. Since I'm not sure of ur identity & in case u don't know - duan has 3 sons now, kril has a daughter & a son, ditto rahim & yan, nita has a son, juz has 2 daughters, ditto ramizi, ditto wina,,, isy, ramai sangat la kalau nak listkan semua :-)
thank for the info AZ. really appreciate it. wahhh..very productive kan our friends :))
Zsarina: Yup, it's true - it's different for different couple. So, I really hope that my future husband will allow me to keep befriending at least the closest male friends, and he too will learn to make friends with them...
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